On The Horizon

Finally, finally, and finally we are moving. Within the next three weeks, the movers will come and take our stuff, Luke will go to Maryland and learn what the heck this job is, and we will drive down to San Antonio and find a non-scary place to live within a reasonable amount of time. Hours, I hope.

We found out we were moving before Ivy was born, and now she's a little lady that sits up in the tub all by herself. Practically grown up! I know I haven't been blogging much, and part of that is because it's hard to keep beating the stay positive drum when you are waiting and waiting for your life to start. Which is I think why my Facebook posts have all been very snarky lately. I don't hate people who think mustaches are (still) cool. Nor do I hate people who are grateful for stuff. I'm incredibly grateful for stuff.

I'm grateful for patience. The best things in my life have made me crazy with waiting. I think of all the ins and outs that led me to Luke, the 9 months of obsessive anticipation that resulted in Ivy, and now the year of days that mostly ended with some variation of "I'm sure we'll hear something soon" that is finally concluding with a job.

I'm grateful for the sanding and polishing effect that marriage has had on me. It hasn't been hard. But Luke is the river to my rock, slowly carrying away little pieces of my stubbornness and selfishness, and I find myself emerging, just shy of 17 months of marriage, smoother, brighter, and totally content. I'd always thought that marriage would be a rough ride since I can be demanding and high maintenance, but Luke's generous and guileless nature disarmed me completely. His willingness to always put me first makes me see how much my rebelliousness was borne of insecurity - a real lack of belief that love could be unconditional.

I'm grateful for the stretch marks and permanently widened hips of pregnancy. Not because I look at those things and think "Mommy loves you, Ivy" (I don't think I will ever have an inner dialogue where I address myself as "Mommy), but because having a baby has granted me a glimpse into something bigger. Something that transcends my body and even transcends Ivy. A life that doesn't embrace the sacrifice of all things is not worth living, and I will never apologize for what I sacrificed, and I would do it again.

I am truly, truly grateful.