A Wretched Evening

Last night was terrible. For the last few weeks, I have had this weird thing where I wake up and I feel this subtle pain in my upper back that slowly spreads to my chest and all of a sudden, I have no more air. It’s weird because I feel like the fact that I’m carrying a child inside me makes everything that would normally be like “oh, that’s lame” more like “AHHH I’m DYING!” simply because I have no idea what I’m doing.

So this dreadful symptom basically prevents me from breathing or talking or doing anything but pacing around, since lying down or sitting makes it worse, and eventually, I will throw up and feel all better and go back to sleep, having scared the living daylights out of Luke.

But, like I said, last night was terrible. All of those things happened, except for the part where I felt all better. I sat on the edge of the tub (a place I have come to know well) and just wallowed in my pain and suffering. This was at like midnight. I remained in this state for about 7 hours, some of which were spent crying, calling a nurse crying, calling my mom crying, and taking a bath.

The sad thing is that I kept waiting for the pain to disperse, and it never did. Eventually I just sort of wept myself to sleep, holding my soggy body pillow and when I woke up (like an hour later) there was just the dullest ache in my back and I got ready for work. Where I have been for 8 hours since.

My reasons for telling this sad story are two-fold. First, I just want some sympathy. Not necessarily a comment or a phone call, but if you read that, just take a minute and say “Aww...” in your mind. Thank you. And second, I have no idea what is wrong with my body, and if anyone does, I’d be pretty interested in that information.

Besides that, really, life is great. I realized today why pregnant women’s pants look saggy a lot.

It’s because they sag…a lot. And the bigger your stomach gets, the worse it gets. So I’m sorry if I judged anyone for being frumpy. I’m the frumpiest of all.

I know this picture was obviously taken in a bathroom, like the last one I posted. I'm sorry. I'm just not that invested in taking professional pictures of my pregnant self. I also know that my eyes look tired. Stop being mean.

In other news, there is no other news. We are still waiting for Luke’s security clearance to go through, and then we will know more about when we are leaving this lovely Deseret and we can start looking for a place to live in San Antonio.

We are slowly acquiring baby things from KSL and friends and from the stores. Here's a glider that I got for free from my sister's sister-in-law, a little bouncer that I bought on KSL and in the background, a cradle that my mom made when she had my oldest brother. I will definitely post a better picture of that in the future.

I'm just about exactly 7 months pregnant today. After having written this, I feel much better, though I can totally imagine my sister, Natalie, calling me and being like "why didn't you take a better picture?" In the best way.