Mikelle

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.

-Dinah Craik

Change has never been terribly easy for me. I tend to panic and dig my finger into whatever I had before, even if it was only just okay. In this case, I think I'm doing admirably at adjusting to the concept of marriage and then living with a guy and then babies and then not Utah. The night I got engaged, I went over to Mikelle's house. She is my little sister and best friend. Having her here at BYU has been a dream come true, something that we planned and schemed about for about four years before it actually happened.

When I told Mikelle that I was engaged, she cried. Not entirely a happy cry, and I understood. Up until now, she'd always just been a step or two behind me, and I'm always turning around to cheer her on - "Come on, just a little farther, and then we can be in high school together!" "Next year, we can take classes together at BYU!" I've always wanted her with me, to laugh with me about the weird guys we meet, to tell me to stop gossiping, to just understand me. In college, you are recreated. Seeing people from home can bring so much comfort as you reminisce about your hometown and school days. Seeing someone you can't remember life without? That grounds you and reconnects you to your true self.

So now I'm getting married and to say that I will miss Mikelle is just insufficient. I don't know what life holds for the near or distant future. I invited her on our honeymoon, but she's being all weird about it. Her loss, I say. I guess now I'll have to reach back and yell "Come on, Mikelle. Just find the right guy and we can start this chapter of our life together." My life is complete when she's in it.

Kelly Clarkson on the Y, Remember, Kell?